(Transcript of a video interview with Nova Scotia’s famed trailer park resident, Ricky, whose surname is being kept private for reasons of security)
Interviewer: It’s a pleasure to meet you.
Ricky: Well, Mr. Smartypants, I’m mostly here because the judge said that if I set a positive example, it would look much better on me than going straight to what I do best, which is to grow dope and then to sell it. That’s how I make my living, that’s how I feed family, and who has a right to tell me otherwise?
Interviewer: I only said hi. Is there something you could say to introduce yourself?
Ricky: To the people watching?
Interviewer: I don’t really have a lot of viewers.
Ricky: Then why interfluke me in the first place? Why is it I’m helping you do that when I’m supposedly to be setting a good example?
Interview: What was the reason for your summons?
Ricky: You don’t listen too good, do you? Selling dope.
Interview: I think sales of that nature have to be regulated.
Ricky: Is that right, Mr. I told you so? I spend plenty of time in nature. Where do you think I calibrate myself?
Interview: Excuse me?
Ricky: Oh, so that’s your true colours. I turn the tables on you and you start playing dumb. Calibrate myself in nature, you asked me why I don’t do that.
Interviewer: I meant drug sales have to be regulated.
Ricky: Don’t tell me you’re a cop! I knew this was a bad idea. I must be out of my mind giving an interview to make the judge happy.
Interviewer: No, no, I’m not from the police, I just wanted an interview that I could put on social media. You’re known for making a documentary about trailer park life.
Ricky: I am, ain’t I? Look, sorry about your little news report thing here that you got me here for, but I just remembered. I don’t need to do this! I got my own documentary movie-making people.
Interviewer: I just thought on top of that.
Ricky: Nah, this is over. I got people waiting. You hear that? Real-life people that don’t want their lives put in some Internet book. I’m getting out of here. Find somebody else to intervain.